One phrase, one small bow, and what to call people

One phrase does almost all the work

안녕하세요 covers hello, good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and "excuse me, I have arrived" — for a shopkeeper, a taxi driver, a hotel clerk, a stranger holding a door. It’s polite enough for anyone and never too stiff. If you learn one thing in this book, make it saying this one without thinking.

The two ways it goes wrong

• Stressing a syllable. English speakers tend to hit "nyeong" or "se" hard. Korean doesn’t stress syllables the way English does — keep all five flat, like counting off.
• Using 안녕 by itself. That’s the same word with the polite ending stripped off, so to a stranger it lands like "hey." Keep the -세요.

You’ll hear locals shorten it with each other all the time. That’s not permission — it marks a relationship that already exists, and you don’t have one yet.

The bow is smaller than you think

Foreign visitors almost always bow too deeply, which comes off as either theatrical or as an apology for something. Day to day, the greeting is a short nod from the neck and shoulders, held about a second. That’s it.

There are three depths, and you’ll live at the first one. The everyday nod covers ninety-nine times out of a hundred. A fuller bow goes with a formal introduction or a heartfelt thank-you. The deep bow is for ceremony and serious apology. When in doubt, the nod is never wrong.

• Let your eyes drop as you go, instead of locking onto the other person. Holding eye contact through a bow feels uncomfortable here.
• Hands at your sides, or one resting lightly over the other in front. Not in your pockets.
• A bow instead of a handshake is always safe. Bowing while you offer your hand is common in business and perfectly fine too.

Names run family-name first

Kim Min-jun is Mr. Kim, not Mr. Min-jun. The family name comes first and is usually one syllable; the given name is usually two. Most Koreans you meet professionally introduce themselves family-name-first even in English, though some flip it to be helpful — which is exactly how the confusion starts.

If you’re not sure which part is the family name, just ask. "Sorry — which one is your family name?" is a perfectly normal question and takes four seconds. Guessing wrong and running with it for three days is the worse outcome.

씨 and 님, and why you rarely use a bare name

Korean almost always attaches something to a name. A name with nothing after it is what you use for close friends, children, and subordinates — so using it on someone you’ve just met isn’t neutral. It’s a small demotion.

Two hands, and the card you’re given

Anything passed between people of different age or rank goes with two hands — or with the right hand while the left touches the forearm. Business card, gift, glass, payment, pen: same rule. It costs you no extra time, and people notice.

1. Take the card with both hands and actually read it. Two seconds of looking is the whole courtesy.
2. Don’t stuff it in a back pocket, and don’t write on it in front of them.
3. In a sit-down meeting, leave the cards on the table in front of you until the end. They double as a seating chart.

If you don’t have cards, say so plainly instead of apologizing at length. "I don’t have a card on me — may I write my details down?" closes it cleanly.

One polite register is all you need

Korean has several levels of speech, and learning the whole system is a real study project. As a visitor, you don’t need it. Stay in the -요 form for everything and you’ll be correct with every person you meet, in every setting, for the entire trip.

• Over-polite is invisible. Under-polite is not. When in doubt, go up a level.
• No one expects you to speak Korean. Three words said politely land better than thirty said casually.

Leaving, and thanking

Korean has two goodbyes, and the difference is who’s leaving. It looks fussy on the page; it’s automatic within a day.

Mix the two goodbyes up and nothing happens. Someone might smile. That’s a far smaller risk than walking out without saying anything, which does register as cold.

Chapter 3 in six lines

• 안녕하세요 — five even syllables, and keep the -세요.
• A one-second nod is the greeting. Deep bows are for ceremony.
• Family name first. Not sure? Ask — it takes four seconds.
• Attach 씨 to a name. A bare name isn’t neutral.
• Two hands for anything handed over. Read the card you’re given.
• Stay in the -요 form all trip. Over-polite is invisible.